諏訪部 剣
(2008年6月29日NYJCでの受洗式にて)

Until this day, I am the un-baptized first-born son of a Baptist minister. As a young boy, being a participant in the Christian religion did not seem to be a matter of choice. Since I was born into this faith, it felt as natural and obvious as knowing my name, age, or gender. Like Pastor Joe Suzuki’s sons, I started going to church almost immediately after my great mother gave birth to me. I grew up reading about Biblical heroes, miracles, and parables; I memorized many different verses from the Bible; I illustrated scenes of David slaying Goliath and the crucifixion of Christ; and before my Japanese reading skills were enormously deteriorated, I even read some Bible passages in Japanese. My parents also tried to get me into the habit of praying before every meal, trip, and bedtime, which, for the most part, I continue to do to this day.

As the years went by, particularly in middle school, my peers sometimes mocked my religion, which was also the equivalent of mocking my family and God. These people often expected me to be “goody-two shoes,” and I hated such expectations. I did not like to be categorized and confined to people’s standards. As a result, I wanted to escape this stigma.

This attitude continued into high school, and I created a separate image and pointed my ways in different directions; I wore strange outfits, grew a ponytail, blasted the heavy metal and antisocial punk music that some of my peers listened to, and thus found some shallow comfort in an attempt at nonconformity. I told almost nobody that I was brought up in a God-fearing and God-loving family to avoid the stigma of being a “P.K.” I was never a bad kid, but I didn’t want anybody to not invite me to parties or other social situations where they would not want me around because my religious affiliation would make them uncomfortable. One could look at my situation and say that being categorized as a Christian was my one of my personal “obstacles” to fitting in with the main crowd.

From my perspective now, I feel ashamed that my faith had wavered so frequently like a ragged flag in a storm. I felt similar to how Peter must have felt when he doubted Christ. What I should have done was to stand up for myself, my family, and God. One may also say that my effort to try to fit in was one of my obstacles in the path to find God.

Nowadays, I do my best not to doubt or hide my faith at all. If someone makes comments that seem to insult God and His followers, I can only imagine the disappointment that God must feel. I have sat on the New York subway and people would treat evangelists, who do not ask for money but just read the Word of God, with utter disrespect by rolling their eyes or even jeering at them. Sometimes, such people are in my network of friends and acquaintances, but when I tell them about my love and gratitude for Christ, they will say things like, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. But you know, I don’t believe in that stuff.” One day, maybe God will grant me the courage and support to introduce His love and forgiveness to these people.

My journey so far with God is an example of the concept of “Believing vs. Following.” Many self-proclaimed Christians may believe in God, but to follow Him on a steady and righteous path is inarguably more difficult to uphold. Looking back on my childhood and adolescence, I do not think I ever doubted the existence of God, but I also felt that I did not sincerely understand or appreciate that Jesus gave His life to forgive us of our sins. As some time passed, my insincerity would gradually change.

During our weekly Bible studies, Pastor Suzuki showed me that the Bible directs us to open our spiritual windows to let in the uplifting air of God’s assurance of forgiveness and love into our muggy rooms of doubt. The fact that God is one who forgives and forgets is a demonstration of his mercy and endless love. In my life, I do not know of anyone who is willing to forgive and love unconditionally, with the exception of most parents. However, I learned that no matter how much love, nurture, and forgiveness one’s family may give, our Father in Heaven bestows us with those things in infinite proportions. As children of God, we should do our best to return everything He does for us with love, adoration, and thanksgiving.

All this is possible through the cross of Jesus, on which He bled and suffered so greatly in order to forgive us of our sins. It is hard for many of us to sacrifice something we love for the good of others. Yet God sent His only Son to die a gruesome and excruciating death as a sacrifice for mankind. From my angle, this is the greatest demonstration of love. In 1 John 1:9, it is written that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Sinners such as us will receive full forgiveness for the wrongdoing we have committed against God. Therefore, I learned that I should genuinely appreciate what God has done, and continues to do for us.

My heartfelt desire is to be a better Christian, one who not only believes, but follows with growing dedication. This is much easier said than done, but God has created us and shown us so much love that it would be a great betrayal by sons and daughters against their Father.

I want to thank Pastor Joe Suzuki and this church for welcoming me here, and I am grateful to be baptized. I also want to ask that you all to help me to nurture my growth as a follower of Christ.